Alternative to the word “massive”?

As I was lugging groceries up the steps and wrestling with the door to my apartment, I wondered why everything has to be so… full of inertia. I wanted to say massive, but that makes it sound like I mean to imply big. Now look, a case of La Croix is not very big, but have you ever tried accelerating one?

What kind of poofy froofy pretentious drink would have a name like La Croix?

Hey, stop dissing my drink! Though there is something terribly wrong with the French language, I’m with you there. I mean, how can you spell it “Croix” and pronounce it “Kwa”? Huh? Tell me that! What the hell was I just talking about anyway?

Don’t know – sounded completely insane though. On the other hand, that’s typical.

I remember what it was! A word meaning “hard to accelerate”, but not necessarily implying big.

What about heavy? (Боже!)

But if I were free falling or way the hell out in the middle of space…

You’re not.

Hey that’s not the point damn it! It’s the principle of the thing.

Uh oh. Last time she said that I ended up on Route 66, spray-painted with pink polka dots.

You were soooo cute!

 

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